Because I’m such a giant baby when it comes to getting stabbed with needles, the option for the Typhoid vaccine in pill form was a blessing. I was already sacrificing my arms with Hep A/B and Yellow Fever jabs, so it was a little hard to pass up an oral vaccine that lasts two years longer than it’s jabby jab needle counterpart. 

Naturally I left it all to just before I left the country and started my diet of 4 Typhoid pills while in Quito. You take these little pills every other day on an empty stomach. The first two were no problem, didn’t have any side effects whatsoever. The last two pills filled with their poisonous payload were another matter and made their presence known.

But first, the public transport in Quito pretty much comprises of three types. We have the Trolebus that are electric powered buses that service the central areas of the Old and New town, the normal buses that are like any other bus in any country except they have decals on the windscreen and look way cooler than their western counterparts, and finally the MetrobusQ that have a fixed path with their own lane throughout Quito.

I’m not entirely convinced the Metrobuses are driven by people. Sure there’s some dude at the wheel, but no human being drives like this. Since they have the entire lane dedicated to themselves, the ideal of a speed limit doesn’t enter into existence. Just slam that accelerator to the floor and when you need to stop at a traffic light or the next station, apply the brakes with reckless abandon so that the entire g-force of a space shuttle lifting off comes crashes through you to the point you literally need to grip the chair so not to fly off of it.

Anyway, back to Typhoid side affects. One is stomach cramps. I ended up spending a morning lying in a park trying to get over the cramps. One would think it’s certainly a nice way to spend a morning lying in a park, but not when you’re there because you’re a cripple. The second side affect I also had after getting a tetanus shot. The legs go extremely weak when standing in the one place, with a small helping of vertigo. 

So here I am after jumping on a trole heading into New town that this little horror show decided to play out. The troles don’t have any suspension. In fact they’ve made a point to do the complete opposite and make you feel every single air molecule the wheels encounter as it tears towards it’s destination. Less than a minute into the journey it hits me.

I’m clutching a metal pole in the standing area like it’s the only life saving device in arms length. My legs begin to tremble uncontrollably and I clutch harder, if that were possible. Sweat is pouring down my face, the guy opposite looks in my direction a couple of times then turns away. The trole jolts forward and back, stopping at lights and lumbering onwards. I’m desperately waiting to get off at the next stop. We stop again, almost falling forward. I’m going to collapse, my entire body is trembling, I can’t stand any longer. 

The doors open, it’s the Theatre Plaza, I evacuate the trole and step onto the station. Walking on firm ground again and I’m okay. I decide to sit down at some nearby steps, drink my entire bottle of water, and re-evaluate how the rest of this day should play out. 

Wisely I go to the pub.