The cruise from Helsinki to Tallinn, Estonia’s capital, took just over 2 hours, on calm waters with only the lullaby hint of being on the sea. There must have been a good 500 people, and having a walk around to check out all the bars and buffets, I was pretty sure I represented the only non EU member onboard.

I was worried disembarking would take hours with this many people going through passport control and customs, but nope, everyone just filed off and entered Tallinn without care in the world, presumably because they’re all EU citizens and don’t need to deal with that formality. This worried me a bit, as it means i have no exit visa for Finland and no entry visa to Estonia. Will this be a problem? Who knows, lets see what’s my old of friends the Fates are weaving for me.

Staying in the old town is pure happiness. The medieval buildings, small cobbled streets, the old European charm, this was my people. The afternoon on arrival I simply checked in, the receptionist a bubbly cheerful lady, and headed immediately out to the old town square. A gulf of difference from the 15th century Tallinn, now the square is surrounded by inviting restaurants flanked by beer gardens and tourists.

The area had been settled all the way back to 2500BCE, but came to real prominence from the 9th century CE, where it’s tradition of a port and trade centre became it’s money maker and drew the eyes of conquering kingdoms wanting a slice of that sweet trade profit. The Danes, Swedes, Poles, all had a turn in controlling the region, with Soviet Russia being the last foreign power to control Estonia. Once the Soviet Union fell and Russia’s stranglehold loosened, Estonia called a free election and became independent 1991. And in 2003 they voted to join the EU.

The first full day started with a lot of wandering around, and finding my local pub. The Kennedy bar promised the best fish and chips in Tallinn. To be fair, they were good if you rate British soggy style fish and chips as quality. But the music was fantastic, stuck in the 90’s, I could hear people at tables just singing along to classics from Phil Collins, Alice Cooper, and even Men at Works “I come from a Land Down Under” (I did wonder if that was for my benefit!).

Another memorable restaurant was the Olde Hansa. I walked past this place and had to take a moment to take in what I was seeing. A themed restaurant, staff wearing 15th century garb like they were at a Ren Fair, with the food and beverage based on traditional recipes of that time. Beer had cinnamon (so good!) or ginger, meats were game animals, ranging from elk to bear, deer and wild boar. Its cliché as hell, but it’s so well done and honestly researched by the head chef, coupled with an obvious love of what they’re doing, it’s impossible to dislike this place.

My museum nerd compulsion bookmarked the museums I needed to visit on Maps.me. First was the history of Tallinn. This sort of museum is just what I’m after, ground floor with a model of Tallinn old town 500 years ago, their history with the Finns, Dutch, and Russians, and ending with syphilis. Yep, the top floor was 18+ area, documenting prostitution, pornography, and the STDs that resulted. I was not expecting this exhibit, but its worth the price of admission for the wall of a giant penis and vagina covered in pustules.

Nearby is the somber KGB prison cells, used by the occupying USSR to detain dissidents. Its only a small museum, with a super heavy and creepy iron door entrance. I instinctively looked behind me to check if any spies were following. The basement of the home was used to keep the prisoners, and the rear cells makes up a photo gallery of todays dissidents of Putins Russia who have been imprisoned. I couldn’t help but wonder what the danger of displaying anti Putin exhibits would be, and if anti Putin sentiment was felt throughout Estonia. Well..

Walking a block down the road, the anti Putin protest takes public space with a barricade along the road covered with protest banners and pro Ukraine slogans. Not to mention the photos of the imprisoned dissidents. A police car sat nearby keeping on eye on things, and as I took photos of the protest site, I couldn’t help but wonder if they too were taking photos of me too.

Next up was the Guild museum. Once the building was the Great Guild Hall, where the trade merchants gathered together with their own society, scheming together for more gold coin. 600 years later it now it houses a slightly comical history of Estonia, asking the big question of why wasn’t Estonia a kingdom, but never answering the question except with vague philosophical bullshit. It’s a weird museum that feels like it didn’t quite know what to display as a museum, but still needed to have a reason to charge tourists to enter. Having said that, there is an amazing armoury in the basement filled with knives, swords, ornate pistols, and WWI Russian machine guns – a psychopaths toybox!

The next two days I planned to head to city of Rakvere to geek out over a castle, and test the state of my ankle to see if it was ready to handle any degree of hiking in the Lahemaa National Park.